He took a sip of his water then sat back down. “I understand that you may be having personal problems” he said “And I don’t expect you to shar... them with me, I just want to know that you’re trying you’re best”. “Well I am” I said, “So can I go home now?” He looked at me angrily and said “No, you can’t go home yet, I need you to stay behind and finish what you were supposed to do last lesson”. I felt speechless, I didn’t want to end up failing but staying behind seemed like a horrible thing to. I was in no position to moralise about it that's for sure.I realised I didn't need to do it, but there was a voice worming around in my mind asking if I could ever understand what Alex and Pao and Nin felt, without doing it myself. Walking In their shoes in a literal sense. I didn't have many inhibitions left, but was this one of the few I would still cling to? Why does my life always have to be so difficult?‘He said he would pay $500 US each.’The money didn't mean much to me, but I knew it. Interviewer: Like?Me: For example, when I got thumped, I remember repeatedly thumping myself. When my mom smacked my mouth, I remember smacking my own mouth after, over and over again.Interviewer: So, why do you think you did that? What caused you to want to do that?Me: Caused it? I don't think anything caused it. It just seemed I was...different. I was wired to enjoy it, or something.Interviewer: That can't be right. Humans avoid pain, it is part of who we are.Me: I don't. Oh, I avoid things. I hear him close the door and I can hear him moving around. I'm so excited. Will he look through the hole? Will he like seeing me in panties? I turn and look at the hole and see him looking through. Oh yes! He's watching me. Do you like it? I turn on my chair , so I'm facing the wall with the holes. What am I doing? Am I crazy? Oh it feels so good! Oh yes! Look at me in my panties and stockings. I'm so scared. I'm so turned on!I see him looking through the hole. Then he moves.
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